I love my wife. I would marry her again. What I want changed is the system that has kept our family waiting for a secure future.
I was a shy man. It took me years to find a woman who would say yes to building a life with me. I did not have much money to offer my wife and stepson. I offered love, hard work, commitment, and the hope that together we could build something better.
When I saw people I loved who needed someone beside them, I stepped up. That was what being a man of honor and a Democrat meant to me: accept responsibility and care for your family.
As a poor, working-class man, I struggled to make ends meet alone. I hoped my wife and I could work together, share the bills, and give our children opportunities.
I also believed my American citizenship had practical value for our future. I thought it could help the people I loved build a secure life here.
After twenty-two years, that promise feels painfully incomplete.
When my wife could not work legally, I carried the role of sole provider. Disability made that burden harder. Our children grew up while we waited for change.
I am an American citizen, a Navy veteran, a disabled worker, a husband, and a father. I feel that my children and I are being punished because I married a noncitizen.
Washington lawmakers and members of Congress: hear the family behind the paperwork.
I value the welcome that allowed us to build a life here. But welcome without a workable path to legal security leaves families vulnerable. To me, that can feel like being set up for failure: encouraged to build a future while the means to secure it remain out of reach.
Snohomish County says applicants do not need a U.S. Social Security number to obtain a marriage license. Marriage is a fundamental right. Couples should retain it. 1 2
Then I read the county’s one-page marriage application. It asks applicants to swear that they do not have a contagious sexually transmitted disease, or that the other applicant knows if they do. 3
That is a disclosure requirement, not a medical test or a guarantee that anyone is protected from disease. But this comparison matters to me: that page addresses an intimate health risk while offering no comparable explanation of the immigration barriers that may shape a mixed-status couple’s married life. 3
You ask what my spouse knows before we marry. Why not also make sure couples understand what their marriage license cannot do?
My American-born children and I live with consequences that can last years. I believe state leaders share responsibility for explaining foreseeable risks and confronting the harm families describe. Asking about one risk while leaving immigration limits unexplained on that application is not enough.
Marriage alone does not grant immigration status or permission to work. Even an approved I-130 family petition does not itself provide immigration status or benefits. 4
“Marry an American and your papers will be fixed” is a false promise when presented as an automatic outcome. Couples deserve clear information and trustworthy legal referrals before the ceremony, without new obstacles to marriage.
My family paid for DACA and Parole in Place efforts and legal assistance. Those efforts have not delivered the lasting security we sought. Lawyers were paid. Our family still waits.
Legal representation cannot guarantee approval. Families nevertheless deserve honest explanations of eligibility, costs, risks, and limits. “Do it the legal way” cannot be the whole answer to families who have spent years trying.
Since 2004, through 2007 and the years that followed, I waited for reform. Those years were our lives. Bills came due. Children grew up. We cannot apply to get that time back.
Our stories tell you what the statistics mean.
American Families United describes nearly two million families of U.S. citizens that have been separated or face separation through spousal immigration denials or deportations. That is an estimate of affected families, not a court finding of two million individual rights violations. 5
Its report, Collateral Damage, examines hardships reported in its 2025 survey of mixed-status couples. The respondents formed a convenience sample, so the findings cannot establish how common each hardship is among all mixed-status families. 6
Behind the numbers are spouses, children, caregivers, and Americans wondering whether keeping their family together will mean leaving their own country. I believe this is a human-rights issue.
Democrats must confront their own party’s history. Congress passed, and President Bill Clinton signed, the 1996 law that created the three- and ten-year unlawful-presence bars. Departure after sufficient unlawful presence can trigger years of exclusion, subject to exceptions and possible waivers. 7 8
Congress has created alternatives. Section 245(i), enacted in 1994, allowed certain otherwise eligible immigrants to seek permanent residence here despite specified entry or status violations, with an additional penalty. Eligibility today generally depends on qualifying filings made by April 30, 2001, and other requirements. 9
It was never a guaranteed green card for every married couple. But Congress can restore and update practical pathways for eligible families.
I am a Democrat. Some Democrats have supported legalization. I want that support measured in sustained action.
When leaders say “defund” or “abolish,” I want equal urgency behind legalization and amnesty. Condemning enforcement alone does not fix my wife’s papers or provide another lawful household income.
When I see images of masked, armed immigration agents, I fear for families like mine. That fear makes decades of waiting harder to bear.
Sanctuary policies can offer meaningful protections. They do not themselves grant federal immigration status or work authorization. When sanctuary is offered as though our family’s problem has been solved, I feel misled.
Washington found the determination to legalize and regulate cannabis despite federal prohibition. It changed state law; it did not cancel federal law. I understand that distinction. Where is comparable persistence in demanding permanent security for our families? 10 11
Washington also makes college aid available to eligible undocumented students. That investment matters. My stepson studied and prepared to contribute, yet we face the possibility that he may have to build his working life elsewhere. 12
Education does not itself authorize employment. A graduate’s future is not predetermined, but unresolved barriers can cost a household income, an employer a potential worker, and a community someone it helped educate.
Failing mixed-status families carries costs beyond our homes. Caregiving becomes harder. Children carry stress. Skills go unused. Families consider leaving to stay together.
Pramila Jayapal and Kshama Sawant: I want you to hear families like ours when you speak about immigration. Rep. Julio Cortes’s family experienced undocumented life, according to Cascade PBS. I expect that history to help him understand ours. 14
When my requests to Rep. Julio Cortes, Rep. Rick Larsen, and Sen. Patty Murray did not bring the lasting security or action I was asking for, I felt ignored. I want direct answers about both issues that have shaped my life.
State lawmakers can provide clear information, support families within their authority, and press Congress to act. Federal lawmakers must reform the bars, update pathways such as Section 245(i), expand access to work authorization, and fight for broad legalization and amnesty.
These are connected questions of dignity and economic security for me. For ten years, I have asked my own party to address both the insecurity of mixed-status families and the need for enforceable federal minimum workers’ compensation standards. I want broad legalization and amnesty, and I want a National Workers’ Compensation Commission to examine the protections injured workers need.
A 2016 U.S. Department of Labor report examined whether workers’ compensation systems fulfill their obligations to injured workers. These are longstanding policy questions. 13
Healthcare coverage alone does not replace wages lost after a workplace injury. Likewise, sanctuary alone does not provide immigration status. Families need the specific protections that answer the harm they face.
I have felt left outside while other priorities received the microphone. Julio Cortes and Democratic colleagues: give us written answers on both issues. Tell us which legislation you support and what you will do to advance it.
WE CALL FOUL when years of testimony from injured workers and mixed-status families are met with sympathy but no lasting solution.
Name the legislation. Explain your next action. Our children deserve a future they can plan for.
I married the right woman. I stepped up for my family. Now I am asking my representatives to step up for us.
You recognize our marriage. Now fight for the family living inside it.
Darren Fonzseau
Workers Won’t Be Silent.